Scenario 1: Your back hurts. Your neighbor goes for a massage and – you feel better right away.

Scenario 2: Your child has a decayed tooth, but also a great fear of pain in the dentist’s chair. So, you go to the dentist in their place, and your child receives a filling instead of a cavity.

Scenario 3: Your cousin and her partner make love and you get pregnant.

Each of these scenarios is as realistic as the following one: someone else (therapist, doctor, friend …) makes an effort to connect, and you feel better by getting rid of the anger you have been carrying for a long time, the sadness that has been pressing you for years, or the panicking fear of whether your family will have something to eat next month.

Specialists who work helping people reach their goals often meet this “fix me” attitude. That is when a client comes and expects their therapist to “fix” the problems they have.

I’m not sure that the world would be a better place if things worked that way, but it doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is that things can’t work that way. All the answers and solutions you are looking for are in you, and the main key to opening that treasure is – again: you. Your therapist may be 120% committed to the process, but if you are not ready to open that treasure chest, progress will most likely be missed. In that case, you may feel that the other side did not “give” enough, but ask yourself – how much did you “surrender” to the whole process?

I usually advise clients to imagine a line with divisions from 1 to 10. Number one on that scale means “I’m not interested in solving this at all,” while number 10 means “This is my top life priority.” The number five represents “Someone else wants me to deal with this problem.” When a client visualizes where their desire to resolve a situation is, we can decide if working together has a good chance of success. If the client’s desire is around number 7 or above, we can accomplish great things.

The therapist you work with is your support, and that is why it is important to have mutual trust. Do not hesitate to change a therapist with whom you have had several sessions and found that they do not suit you. It is important to know that your therapist has an obligation to you. That is to help you on the path of recovery or problem-solving by pointing you to your own strengths. The therapist should not make you addicted to doing a new session every time a problem arises in your life. On the contrary, the therapist’s goal is to help you discover your inner strength and empower yourself. It is easier when you have your therapist’s support to (re)discover your talents and potentials in a safe environment, and then use them independently whenever you need them.

This process can certainly be challenging. When you feel like shouting, “Must I always face such difficult challenges?” remember the following: the magnitude of the challenge you have received in life is always proportional to the magnitude of your potential and talents for solving it.

I have never, but literally never, met a person with whom this equation did not work so perfectly. So, when you have a problem that seems too big – ask yourself: “What kind of great talent or strength do I have with which I can solve this?” And you will see – from that point on, things will slowly start to come into their own …

If you need help recognizing these inner strengths, feel free to contact Spirit Express. We will be glad to help you illuminate those beautiful aspects of yourself.